That night without the help of Gothgora we managed to fight
off several packs of rabid weasels, three wild turkey zombies, and one very blood
thirsty rabbit. Luckily for us we managed to get a good flame for our campfire
going which helped keep away most of the creatures of darkness. It’s
a good thing Chrysanthemum keeps that ultra-flammable hair spray in her purse
at all times. Turns out that hairspray can also be used as a flamethrower to
light rabid weasels on fire as well as start our campfire. That was fun… and stinky...
Anyway, the next day we moved on along that mysterious road
winding eternally through the forest. We walked mostly in silence, we giggly
slightly every once in a while as the image of flaming weasels danced in our
heads. We were still just a little slaphappy from being so tired as well.
Finally we made it out of that infernal forest and entered into a smallish
town, a sign as we passed read: Welcome to Liberty.
It felt good to be back in civilization once more, a feeling
that was slightly tainted by the fact that neither of us had a place to stay in
this town. It was like returning to your home town to discover that your house
has been repossessed by the IRS, or burned down, or picked up by a sudden
tornado and deposited in the land of Oz on top of a Wicked Witch.
Liberty was quaint enough, there were mostly small wood-paneled homes painted in bright colors. The gardens in front of each lawn were
well kept and guarded with lawn gnomes and pink flamingos. As we passed one of
the houses I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye move. But when
I turned to get a better look I didn’t see anything.
“Something is weird here.” Chris noted.
“Yes,” I agreed. “where are all the people?”
The houses were very pleasant but it didn’t appear as if any
of them were inhabited by people. There were no lights on in the windows, no
cars in the driveways no people, no noise at all…
We finally decided to walk up to one of the houses and
knock. As we walked up the long cement walkway leading to the house I had the
strangest feeling that the lawn gnomes were watching us with their beady black
eyes. They looked possessed really. Who would want lawn ornaments that looked
so scary? One of them was holding a miniature chainsaw and was wearing a creepy
mask like on Friday the 13th.
We knocked on the door, nobody answered of course.
“Well, we still need a place to stay.” Chris said. “So…”
“No.” I interjected. “This place creeps me out, I think we
should just keep going and find some other town.”
“Don’t be a baby pony boy. I’m not walking another step, I’m
so exhausted that if I don’t get to sleep soon I’ll probably turn into a werewolf.”
“Fine.” I conceded.
She twisted the doorknob and the door opened. It hadn’t been
locked.
The house that we entered was just as quaint on the inside
as it was on the outside. The furniture was mostly made out of hand carved
wood, stained in deep rich colors. And the sofas and chairs in the house looked
very plush and comfortable.
Chris locked the door behind us as we walked in. “This is
really weird,” I said. “the house is completely clean and yet there are no
people here to clean it.”
“Well I guess we should go upstairs I bet that’s where the beds
are. I need some shut eye.”
“Have you ever heard of Goldilocks and the Three Bears?” I
asked.
“Yes yes yes, I know the story. But somehow I don’t think
that bears will be coming home anytime soon. As creepy as it is in this town, strangely
enough I feel that this is the place where we need to be, at least for the
moment. Something interesting is going to happen.”
“We’re going to be eaten by bears,” I said. “that’ll be
interesting I’m sure.”
“No, something good I promise.”
While Chris went upstairs to sleep I found my way into the
kitchen. The refrigerator was stocked with fresh food including milk that was
due to expire in about two weeks. I made myself a ham sandwich and ate it
greedily. Then I too went upstairs, found a separate bed room, and fell asleep.
It was dusk when we finally woke again. The orange sun was slowly setting beneath the horizon, and the room was darkened. The
silence was oppressive. It pressed on my ears and eyes from all direction.
Suddenly, I had the feeling that we needed to leave, something was definitely
not right. And we had to get out of town before the sun set.
I ran to Chris’ room she still lay in bed her curly hair was
strewn about her face like a wedding veil.
“Wake up!” I shouted urgently though somehow it felt wrong
to break the unprecedented silence as if something were listening, listening
for us.
Chris sat up groggily. “What’s going on?” She asked
dreamily.
“I think we have to get out of here. Now!” I said. “Before
the sun sets.”
“You’re insane.” She said trying to lay back down in bed.
I didn’t let her; I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her
out of the bed.
“I think something is going to happen.”
“There, see, I told you something interesting was going to
happen.”
“Yeah I know, but I don’t think that it’s going to be
something good for us.”
“Don’t worry things will turn out good in the end, you’ll
see.”
“But that suggests that we have to go through something
horrible first,” I retorted sternly. “and right now I would rather not go
through anything else horrible.”
“All right then.” She said. Allowing me to drag her out of
the room and down the stairs. The living room was so dark now that it was
difficult to find the front door, especially considering that it wasn’t
actually our house.
Stumbling outside into the dark cool evening air was
refreshing. But still the silence was ever present.
The sun was just a sliver now behind the horizon. “We need
to get out of here now!”
But even as I said it the last bit of light sunk under the
level earth leaving us in even greater darkness. And that was when we heard the
first noises in a very long time. It sounded like footsteps on pavement.
Thousands of little footsteps all heading in our direction. But we still couldn’t
see anything.
“What is that noise?” Chris asked perplexed.
“Something interesting I’m sure.” I rolled my eyes in
exasperation.
Just then I felt something touch my leg. I looked down to
see a little red hatted
Garden Gnome poking my leg with its pick ax. It looked
up at me moving stiffly with sudden movements very much like a reptile, and
stared up at me with its beady black eyes.
I screamed in alarm.
Chris looked down as well and began to scream too.
And then we began to run. Naturally.
We made it just in time to the road. Thousands and thousands
of gnomes, that had been the sound that we had heard. They had all come to life
as soon as the sun had set. And now they were after us. Apparently like the
Bears in the story of Goldilocks they resented that people had invaded their
home.
They chased after us with swift little feet, like rats. And
they were gaining on us. “Look over there!” I shouted. There was a larger house
with a chain link fence surrounding it. If we could climb over the fence the
gnomes wouldn’t be able to get at us, with their stubby arms it would take them
a good amount of time to climb over after us.
Chris nodded as in agreement. “Let’s do it!”
We slammed into the fence and began to climb but just as we
made the first step the creepy gnomes seized our ankles.
“Noooo!” I yelled in frustration. I tried to kick them off
but the multitude was too powerful. They pulled us from the fence and we fell
to the ground. And just like rabid weasels they were on top of us in seconds, pinning
our arms and legs down with their tiny body masses.
“Stop please!” I pleaded but it didn’t seem that the gnomes
couldn’t speak English.
Just then the gnome with the chainsaw stepped out of the sea
of writhing gnomes. His white mask gleamed softly in the night like bones. He was
obviously the leader. He primed his chainsaw and it started very easily the
tiny blades spinning with a whiney little purring sound.
“No.” I pleaded.
He stepped forward and put the blade above my upper lip and
began to move it upward. He was going to cut off my nose.
“What in the name of sauerkraut is going on out here!!!” We
heard a husky male voice shout. All of the gnomes froze in place as if they
were once again made of normal fired clay.
"I thought I heard something out here!" The man said.
I squinted as the light of a lantern fell over us
temporarily blinding us.
Whatever was going to happen next was certainly going to be
interesting.
