In the end I decided to take up Chris’ offer and eat the
hamburgers that she had effectively stolen from the kitchen of the Wicked Wendy
Workers. I sunk my teeth into a delicious Jr. Cheese Burger Deluxe with extra
pickles. It was delightful except of course for the almost undetectable flavor
of monkey. How could El Stinko be so heartless? He would pay for his crimes
against nature, but not now. Now I was too busy thinking out what I would be
doing for the next few days.
I never really considered what I would do once I had broken
out from under the stairs and from the circus. I was about to pull out my
friendly, My Little Pony Planner when all of a sudden…
“Oh no…!” Chrysanthemum said.
“What is it?” I asked in alarm.
“We have to go back. I forgot my crystal ball. And I forgot
my chili!”
“What!?” I exclaimed.
“We have to go back!”
“Are you insane?” I asked incredulously.
“Hey, you’re the one with the My Little Pony Planner; and I absolutely
need my crystal ball, there’s no way I can live without it!”
“Well if you can see the future why didn’t you foresee this?”
“I did,” She replied defending her pride. “but I forgot.”
“It’s kind of silly to have a power when you see in the
future that you’re going to forget something and then you forget it anyway.” I
said rubbing a little salt in the wounds. It was she after all who had made fun
of me not being able to see while being invisible.
“Ha ha, very funny,” she said. “but we still have to go back
there is no way I’m leaving without my crystal ball or that chili.”
“Why on earth would you want chili from Wendy’s, they
probably grind up all the monkeys that get too old and make them into chili
meat.”
“Now that’s just disgusting.” She said.
“I wouldn’t put it past them.” I retorted.
“I don’t want to think about the monkeys anymore. Wendy’s
has always been my favorite fast food joint, but ever since we saw those
monkeys I can’t get the flavor of monkey out of my mouth.”
“Well how are we going to get the crystal ball back then? Are we just going to go waltzing in and grab
it. When the Wendy Worker say: Hey what are you doing here, we’ll just say
sorry we forgot our crystal ball, see you later…?”
“I guess,” She said slinging her neon purple purse over her shoulder.
“I can’t remember that either,” she said pouting. “But we better go back and
get it.”
“I can’t believe this is happening.”
We made it back to Wendy’s about three minutes after we had
escaped.
“Here put this on,” Chris said pulling a green wig out of
her purse. She tossed it to me as if it were a dead fish.
She reached in again and pulled out another long blond wig.
“I’m not a girl.” I objected.
“Well you do like My Little Pony.” She pointed out.
“I don’t like My Little
Pony…” I said. “It’s more of an obsession really.”
“Whatever…”
I put the green wig on anyway and we waltzed into the restaurant
once again for the second time that day.
We snuck into the dining room where people still sat
enjoying their delicious monkey tainted hamburgers. We carefully crept—not
suspiciously at all I’m sure—while wearing our brightly colored wigs.
Just as we made our way to the booth table where we had been
sitting literally minutes before, a horrid stench invaded my nostrils.
“What on earth is that?!” Chris said coving her mouth and
nose with her sleeve as best she could.
Fear suddenly gripped my soul, as I retreated to the
farthest recesses of my mind. I knew that smell. Oh I knew that smell well… It
was the smell of death…the smell of cheese….Lord El Stinko.
Sitting in the booth was a twisted figure dressed in a
brilliant lime green suit. A flower punctuation his breast pocket. He wore one
of those fluffy lacy things that protruded out from underneath the suit near
the collar, and was pinned into place by a classy emerald. The figures face was
a horrible sight to behold white and as pasty as the underside of a snail’s
belly. Wisps of orange red hair stuck out at old angles from his horrible liver
spots on his rubbery looking scalp. The most dominating feature of all of
course was the fact that the clown who sat before us had no nose whatsoever.
The figure leaned forward slightly as the two of them approached
interlacing his long crab leg fingers together. Wicked Wendy Workers had come
up behind them and were herding them toward the table.
“Good evening,” Lord El Stinko said in a deep chocolaty
voice like molasses and mud mixed together. “I’ve been expecting you.”
“I believe you were looking for this?” El Stinko lowered one
of his boney hands beneath the table and pulled up Chris’ crystal ball.
“That’s mine,” Chris said. “Give it back now!”
“I can’t do that. You see you already know too much and an
interesting magical item such as this is far too dangerous in the hands of a
foolish little girl. I’m afraid that I also won’t be able to let you escape
this building again.” El Stinko said. He snapped his fingers together and thin
wispy cords of stink appeared in the air and then solidified around them into
cords, including around the invisible Gothgora.
Your giantess friend will be of no help to you while you’re
bound with these cords he said triumphantly.
Gothgora who had remained quite—due to the fact that no one
could usually hear her anyway—let out a soft moan.
“Now what are you going to do with us?” I asked.
“Nothing—or at least not until I’ve had a good long and dreadfully
boring monologue. This is the part where I get to spill the beans on everything
that I’m planning on doing, because I’m absolutely convinced there is nothing
you can do that will stop me. And there isn’t!”
“You’re crazy aren’t you.” Chris said pointedly.
“Why yes, I do believe I am.” El Stinko replied laughing maniacally.
“You see…” El Stinko said wiping a tear of mirth from his
eye lazily.” It’s in the chili.”
“You were right then!” Chris said turning to me. “They do
use the monkeys in the chili meat!”
“No, you stupid girl where would you ever get such an idea. It’s
the cheese that’s in the chili you see.” He reached down below the table once
more and pulled out a wedge of particularly pungent yolk-colored cheese. The outside
of it seemed to be covered in strange tiny white mushrooms.
“This,” El Stinko said. “is Quesonastifolopugus. An awful
fungus you see that is designed to destroy people from the inside out. You see
the Quesonastifolopugus mushroom only grows on cheese under the full moon. It
causes people to become absolutely horribly boring. That also means no powers, such
as turning yourself invisible or being able to see into the future.” He eyed
the both of them meaningfully.
“But what point would it serve? if you make everyone boring
then that’ll just be boring. It’s just boring! What is the point?”
“There is no point.” El Sinko said. “You see that’s the beauty
of it all, when you get to be my age you realize that one of the most rewarding
things in life is evil just for evils sake.”
“I don’t get it really.” I said.
“That’s fine you don’t have to get it. I really didn’t have
a point in killing your circus-freak parents either, but I did that anyway.”
Evil for evils sake.
I thought. I wasn’t perhaps the most evil of plans that El Stinko had ever conceived
of, but there was no doubt that Lord El Stinko was indeed a very wicked and
twisted individual. His evil was based
really on nothing, and that was the most dangerous sort of evil. Evil simply
for the sake of evilness.
“When I put this in the chili everyone will think it is the
most delicious thing that they’ve ever tasted, little do they know that they
eat their own boring destruction!” He laughed again impishly.
“I can’t believe you’re going to put that in the chili here
at Wendy’s!” Chris screamed. “I’m going to make sure that everyone knows about
the crap you’re putting in people’s food. You destroying the good reputation of
Wendy’s is really more evil than you’re silly plot.”
“Oh, but no one will ever believe you if you tell.” El Stinko
replied maliciously.
Thinking of my parents and how they had died for no reason really
is what made me enraged. “I vow that I will not rest until I stop you and your
evil plot.” I retorted boldly.
“Not if I kill you first!” El Stinko spat laughing all the
more gleefully.
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