“Well tickle me pink and call me Bessie!” The crazy man
exclaimed. “It’s people, real live actual people!”
“The gnomes, the potato-ish little gnomes with their beady
little flint-eyes, they’re the only sentient life forms I ever get to see; but
you two, you really are something!”
“Why thank you.” Chris said, unsure of what else to say.
“I hope that you’ve brought the hummerdinger. The
hummerdinger is the last bit that I need to finish my masterpiece. You don’t
happen to have it do you? No, then well I suppose there’s nothing you could
have done about that…”
He picked us up off the ground and dusted our clothes off
for us with spastically quick brushes and thumps on the back.
“So sorry for the rude welcome,” He said. “but you see, my
little darlings—I assumed he was referring to the gnomes—are simply not used to
company we don’t get many visitors. Not since the elephant bull fight and the
plunger incident. Took me three months—three months I tell you!—to clean up the
mess off of the poor children, by only using my own toothbrush. And then,” He
rambled. “I had to use that same tooth brush for six months because it’s like
I’ve already told, I don’t have my hummerdinger!!!”
“Wow.” I mumbled under my breath. “This is something.”
Chris nodded slowly.
“Well, go back to the way you were then.” The crazy man
said. Obeying his order all of the gnomes shuffled into action like stubby little
soldiers apparently going back to where they had been standing, so perfectly
still waiting for nightfall, before.
“They don’t mean to be the way that they are. They just do
what they know. And they know that they must cut off the nose of anyone who
comes to this town. Including you two…But I’m sorry I didn’t even ask your
names.”
“I’m Elliot,” I said. “and this is Chrysanthemum.”
“But everyone just calls me Chris.” She explained.
“Well my name’s,” Crazy Thumbkin. “But you can just call me
Mr. Thumb!”
“Alright then Mr. Thumb.” We agreed.
“Well you certainly don’t have evil names like Billy the Kid,
or Adolf.”
“Did you expect us to be evil?”
“Why yes, you see, because
everybody who ends up here is inevitably evil. It all a part of my powers. Evil
things are always drawn to my creations like flies to raw meat. But when they
come they get trapped inside my Venus Flytrap! Ha!” He clapped his hands shut.
“But, we’re not evil.” I protested.
“I know, which is why I stopped my lead gnome there from
cutting off your nose.”
“Once they cut off any intruders’ nose they bring them to me
and I add them to my collection. I’m very involved with my artwork here.”
“You mean to say that this whole town is your artwork?”
“That’s right. I built every single house out of recycled cardboard.
Every shred of green grass, every toilet, outhouse, every bed, and tree. It’s
all delicious recycled cardboard. Can you smell it, it smells so gooooood…”
“Cardboard hu?” Chris said. “That’s very impressive, everything
looks so real.”
“Why thank you youngling. I see that you have an appreciation
for the finer things of life. Art is what separates us from the beasts. But it’s
also what makes me a beast, I’m afraid. People who have powers generally have
three that all relate to each other somehow. My first power is that all things
evil are drawn to my artwork, my second is to tell if you are evil or not, and
my third is turning criminals into gnomes! At least after I turn them into
gnomes they become a part of my masterpiece, more refining and useful I’d say
than any prison.”
Chris seemed to know about two of her powers. I only knew
about one of mine, turning myself invisible. But this man although he was quite
insane seemed to know all three of his powers. I knew that if we had any hope
of defeating Lord El Stinko that we would have to refine ourselves and become
even more powerful. Which was what spurred me to do something that I knew I
would probably regret later but was absolutely necessary… I decided to ask Mr.
Thumb for help.
“We need some help, Mr. Thumb.” I said.
Chris looked at me, and began shaking her head as if to tell
me: no, please not him. But I
continued anyway, he was the only person that we were likely to see for another
day or two which—since we only had a limited time to dispose of the cheese and
save everyone from a boring fate—was too much time to waste. We needed help,
training ourselves in our own powers.
“You have obtained the highest level with your own powers
and so you must be able to train us somehow to get us to your same level.
Right?”
“Well I suppose that butterflies do teach each other to make
cocoons. When they emerge they transform into a beautiful butterfly. And the wily
toad must transform from a tadpole to a fully grown specimen someday…”
“Er, exactly,” I said though I had no idea what he was
talking about. “So will you help us learn more about our powers?”
“Of course! I’ve always wanted to have a Padawan. But now my
dreams are coming true, I will have two Padawan’s or Padawi. However you would
say Padawan in the plural form! This is wonderful!”
Chris slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand.
“Here let me show you into my house,” He said excitedly. “Luckily
I have those spare bedrooms, you’ll need to get plenty of sleep for tomorrow, and
we’re going to start training immediately. How exciting!”
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