My name is Elliot, this blog is secret and just for me so if you were thinking that this blog was going to be useful to you, you are very much mistaken. However, I suppose that if you must admire my life’s story you may read on with discretion. The inspiration for this blog was basically a desire to get all of my thoughts, which are in no way silly or frivolous out on paper; it reminds me of another one of my ideas involving an outhouse and several tons of dynamite. Quite brilliant really I just wished that I had remembered to bring an umbrella that day.
I was originally going to make this blog about my experiences overcoming my serious addiction to Chicken ‘n a Biskit crackers. The doctors told me that if I didn’t quit my life would be reduced to about 35 years of age. I gave up on that about a month ago so I guess that wouldn’t really work. Chicken ‘n a Biskit is just too delicious. I eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I spent the better part of my childhood locked in a cupboard under the staircase in our apartment building in Hollywood. My aunt and uncle told me that my parents died in a horrible car crash accident involving three diesels and a train. That turned out to be a lie when a giantess in a long pink raincoat came to inform me that I was actually related to two of the most famous circus performers in history. My mother was the bearded lady and my father was the man who could bend himself into a tiny one foot box. But they had actually been murdered by a jealous and nose less clown named Lord El Stinko. This explains my childhood fear of clowns and stinky cheese. I later learned the reason why my aunt and uncle didn’t want anyone to know that my parents were in the circus also became clear…But not only that they locked me in the closet because they learned that I had inherited certain powers from my deceased parents, God bless their souls.
My lifelong mission is simple. I want revenge for what Lord El Stinko did to me and I will not rest until justice is served to him and his evil nose-less gang of cultish followers. That and I want to own a toy shop centered on My Little Pony products.
I was originally going to make this blog about my experiences overcoming my serious addiction to Chicken ‘n a Biskit crackers. The doctors told me that if I didn’t quit my life would be reduced to about 35 years of age. I gave up on that about a month ago so I guess that wouldn’t really work. Chicken ‘n a Biskit is just too delicious. I eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I spent the better part of my childhood locked in a cupboard under the staircase in our apartment building in Hollywood. My aunt and uncle told me that my parents died in a horrible car crash accident involving three diesels and a train. That turned out to be a lie when a giantess in a long pink raincoat came to inform me that I was actually related to two of the most famous circus performers in history. My mother was the bearded lady and my father was the man who could bend himself into a tiny one foot box. But they had actually been murdered by a jealous and nose less clown named Lord El Stinko. This explains my childhood fear of clowns and stinky cheese. I later learned the reason why my aunt and uncle didn’t want anyone to know that my parents were in the circus also became clear…But not only that they locked me in the closet because they learned that I had inherited certain powers from my deceased parents, God bless their souls.
My lifelong mission is simple. I want revenge for what Lord El Stinko did to me and I will not rest until justice is served to him and his evil nose-less gang of cultish followers. That and I want to own a toy shop centered on My Little Pony products.
How interesting.
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