New Blog Devoted to Writing a Book

Due to the amount of information that is essential to explain how to write a book, I have decided to open up a new Blog exclusively devoted to the cause of helping people finally write the book that they’ve always wanted to write. Both Elliot’s Biography Blog and Writing a Book Blog will be linked together to ease the transition. I hope that you will enjoy both blogs equally.

Cordially,

Silver Quill

Link: Writing a Book

Creating Your World Writing a Book

People have many different ways of thinking and processing information in their brains. When writing your book or novel you may think: well I can just write one day at a time and eventually get the story to how I like it. And that very well may be true; however, most people do not have the mental capacity to think so far ahead, before they write their novel, that they can anticipate small changes that need to occur before certain important events can happen. A general rule of thumb is that before something new is introduced into your book it should be mentioned at least three different times in subtle ways and in different contexts so that the reader subconsciously transitions from one idea to the next. For example, if Lord Prestwitch is going to betray Aunt Tilly, the subject of betrayal should be mentioned three times before Lord Prestwitch actually does, but not in a way that the reader can guess that Lord Prestwitch will betray Aunt Tilly. Writing like this requires a lot of practice and a lot of planning as well.

Yes that’s right I said the ‘P’ Word. Planning is one of your most helpful tools. It will help you to develop your ideas so much as you write, and will allow you to make necessary changes in the plot before certain events ever happen, eliminating the need to go back and add them in later.

Do you remember that awesome dream that you had last week? It was so incredible that as soon as you woke up you wanted to tell all of your family and later your best friends, but when the time came to actually tell them, the idea didn’t sound half as good as it did while you were actually dreaming. In fact as you try to explain that dream to your family you realize that it was actually really not that cool at all… It didn’t even make much sense really.

You may have fantastic ideas, or ideas that seem wonderful to you, but right now you have to realize that those ideas are jut fragments of something much, much larger. Many times when I start writing a new idea, I have just brief segments of really cool fight scenes, or concepts. Yet when I start to write without planning I realize that they are really half-baked they need to go back into the oven to be cooked for a bit longer before I can actually serve the idea to my family and friends and hopefully future customers of my published books.

So let’s start at the beginning a very good place to start, and we will use your notebook and your favorite pen to do some exercises that will help you to develop your ideas and turn them into something incredible.

Find a clean sheet of paper and write on the top: My World/ Universe.

This is an exercise that will help you to first develop your setting. It will probably take a lot a time. The more time you take during your planning the less time you will need to take fixing your overall plot later.

1)      First you have to establish what time your World takes place in. So write time:______ and then whatever you want for your world. Is this in the Past, Present, or Future. Is this a Past where there is awesome technology, is it an alternate Present where they live as they did in the past, or maybe even a future that has been destroyed by an apocalyptic zombie attack. The possibilities are endless. Is there a numbered year even, such as 2012AD, for your world?

2)      City, or Rural, or none of the above. Depending on where they live your characters will speak and act differently based upon location, that is why it is important to establish where they live before you start to write.  A Potato farmer is likely to speak differently than a rich city kid. Write notes about what colors you see in this landscape what kinds of buildings or rocks or trees there are in the area where you are going to start your book. Is this a snowy tundra? or the African plains? Is this Japan, China, Russia? So many different possibilities. Maybe in your world there is nothing but Green Jell-O for oceans.

3)      Atmosphere can be used to describe many things, the weather and even the overall mood of your book. Maybe in your world, due to an old mages curse, fire and brimstone rain constantly from the heavens. The sky is grey with heavy clouds that scrape the tops of buildings with their wispy tendrils. Everyone in this city walks with eyes downcast and their faces somber. Of course, a good witch could just as easily make sunshine turn into gumdrops and ice-cream making everyone joyfully dance through the street lithely, like merry jesters. If there were a song that went along with the mood of your book, what song would it be? In a book there is no such thing as normal weather, because although the weather may change from day to day the mood will be the same or different depending on what you want to do. That is the difference between sunshine that is sultry and oppressive, and sunshine that is merry and light upon your face. Rain that is mysterious, scary, or playful.

4)      This is about all of the setting development that you will need for now. Take a look at all of the notes you have written and be sure that they represent the world that you envisioned in your head. Is this the world that you want? If not keep add details to your notes until you have something that you are pleased with.

5)      Now, after all of that, a useful exercise that you can do, is write a one page history of your world. Write about how people first came to be in this world why things the way they are. How did the zombies manage to take over New York City? Why is it raining Fire and Brimstone from the heavens? I think that this is an essential part of you book, it puts an explanation behind everything that is happening in your world. Even if your readers don’t know why gumdrops are falling from the sunshine it is important that you, as the creator of this world, understands why. Who knows it might come in handy later, if you choose to reveal some interesting information later in your book.

This is your assignment for now. Next we will be talking about character development; you definitely won’t want to miss that.

Writing a Book Blog

History of Liberty

The town of Liberty, despite the fact that it has been reconstructed in recent years by a dedicated and unusual artist named Mr. Thumb, has a long history that begins sometime in the 1930’s. Liberty was founded in the year 1933, and what started out as a very small and uneventful city soon began to boom during the Worldwide Lawn Gnome rush of the 1940’s.

Trends in popularity, one of human natures stranger phenomena, made lawn gnomes the next greatest thing after sliced bread. Gnomes were sweeping the nation, and as such artists all over the world found themselves in a desperate shortage of good clay for making realistic gnomes. Liberty, Utah was known for its wonderfully natural earthy clay deposits, and became the epicenter of the world as far gnomes are concerned. Artists from all over the world congregated at Liberty hoping to get a lucky break and earn a name for themselves in the highly competitive world of garden gnomes.

Naturally there were those who saw that these garden gnomes had a lot more potential than simply making ones lawn interesting and trendy. Bass Thumbkin, one of the ancestors of Mr. Thumb, was the mayor of the town who became obsessed with garden gnomes. He believed that because the gnomes had been made with clay blessed by the Native American spiritual leaders that they had inherited what Bass called ‘Mana,’ or a small bit of life force. He believed that they were alive.

No one listened to Bass of course, but instead of giving in to the taunting laughter and sinking slowly into insanity, he decided to prove to the world that garden gnomes could actually be alive… Letting his theory drop from the grid, Bass wove himself into the political fabric of Liberty Government and soon was elected mayor of the city. Finding that he was in a position of greater power and authority he decided to press his advantage and spend more time proving his theory that lawn gnomes were actually alive. Using the fund of the government, Bass created his own sort of secret laboratory underneath city hall and there conducted his twisted experiments.

Lawn gnomes all over the city began to disappear and the fame of The Gnome Thief soon spread over all of North and South America. Years went by and the Mayor’s popularity thrived amongst the citizens of liberty for he had sworn that he would capture The Gnome Thief.

A secretary of the Mayor, however, grew suspicious. She noticed in the Mayor’s files that a large sum of money was missing every year from the city’s budget, and so she began to investigate. Snooping in places where she probably ought not to have snooped, she began opening mysterious crates that would arrive at the mayor’s office labeled as office supplies. Of course what she found in the crates were clearly not for a conventional office. She discovered that the mayor was actually ordering flasks and bottles, and strange chemicals. Some of the chemicals were even nuclear.

By the time the Secretary got the police involved it was too late. Mayor Thumbkin had already achieved his goal. He had tried for so long to enhance the life force of the gnomes. His plan was simple, to use his own body as a catalyst through which the life force could flow from him and into the gnome. He believed that if he did this, that the gnomes would finally come to life and the scientific community that had laughed him into oblivion would finally be cast down. This plan however also involved injecting himself with the before mentioned nuclear chemicals. A small price to pay he believed for satisfying his lifelong obsession.

The police burst in on Thumbkin just as he was about to conduct his experiment. The energy was so intense as if radiated from the mayor’s frame that the police all shielded their eyes. An explosion resulted that was felt all the way in California; the government has long tried to conceal this tremor as the Imperial Valley Earthquake which was felt in California in 1940.

The blast unfortunately destroyed the small town of Liberty and the popularity of lawn gnomes slowly declined in the United States. Investigators who discovered the remains of the town were shocked to find at the epicenter of the explosion several lawn gnomes all dressed in police uniforms and one gnome dressed like mayor Thumbkin…

Another Link to the Past of My Secret Biography!

Some of the articles that I have posted are no longer found on the home page of My Secret Biography Blog. Here is a list of links that will take you to different parts of the story that you may have missed:

Biography of Me!!! Part 1

Where you get to learn about my twisted past and how I was locked under the cupboard for 12 years of my life. I got to write a lot of poetry though...

My Aunt and Uncle Part 2

You really don’t want to read about them do you? they are quite wretched people.

The Escape Part 3

How I escape from the circus. Some people tell me it may have been an insane asylum. 

Crazy Monkeys Part 4

Animal cruelty at its finest. Learn how Wendy’s gets its lettuce leaves so perfectly chaotic.

Wicked Wendy Workers Part 5

When Wicked Wendy Workers try to Whack me with a Wat. I mean bat.

The Evil Plot Unveiled Part 6

It’s too horrible to describe!!! Cheese Horrible Cheese! Ahhhh!


Escaping a Cheesy Death and Kumbayah; Part 7


That was a close one. Thank you Gothgora...


Tragedy Strikes; Part 8


This part was really difficult to write. It's too sad to say anymore.


Creepy Garden Gnomes Part 9

This is a scary part. We also find out how Lord El Stinko may have misplaced his nose.


Becoming Padawan Learners Part 10

We find a teacher to help us develop our strange talents or powers.

I hope you enjoy reading this insane Biography.Thank you.

Cordailly,

Elliot

Poetry Writing

The following is a poem I wrote while under the stairs at my Aunt and Uncles house. It’s really quite prophetic because this is actually what happened. I was quite hungry at the time because my Aunt and Uncle had forgotten to feed me again, so I had resorted to eating Box Elder Bugs that had gotten in somehow. I imagined that if I were as small as they were that maybe, just maybe, I could get out. So, I would like to thank the Box Elder bugs for the inspiration of this Poem:

There once was a boy in a room

Locked under the stairs with a broom

Gothgora came up

And recued the pup

And knocked down the door with a boom!

Thank you Gothgora for everything, may you rest in peace. I hope you enjoyed this poem. Keep reading to find out what happens next in Part 11! Thank you.

Blog Information Memo

Cherished Reader:

My Secret Biography Blog is designed with “the follower” of the blog in mind. Or in other words those people who follow the posts, reading all of the insanity that comes out of my fingertips onto the keyboard, day to day.

 For those of you who may be confused this means that as I write the posts they appear on the web in order from newest to oldest. I encourage all readers of this blog to become a follower, so that they can experience the full craziness of it all without the distraction of having to find were you read last by scrolling down through everything. Some blog posts are so old that they no longer appear on the front page. Therefore you either have to go all the way down to the very bottom and click view older blogs to read it, or you can find what you are looking for on the panel on the far right side of the page where there is a list of all the posts I have written. Fortunately this panel is written from oldest to newest. 

Once again I feel that the easiest way to get full enjoyment from this blog is by becoming a follower, just a handy suggestion. Thank you for reading this blog. The following is a link to help you become a follower: Join the Cult you know you want to!

Cordially,

Silver Quill

PS Once you are a part of this Secret Cult, you can never leave. Muah ha ha ha ha!

Becoming Padawan Learners Part 10

“Well tickle me pink and call me Bessie!” The crazy man exclaimed. “It’s people, real live actual people!”

“The gnomes, the potato-ish little gnomes with their beady little flint-eyes, they’re the only sentient life forms I ever get to see; but you two, you really are something!”

“Why thank you.” Chris said, unsure of what else to say.

“I hope that you’ve brought the hummerdinger. The hummerdinger is the last bit that I need to finish my masterpiece. You don’t happen to have it do you? No, then well I suppose there’s nothing you could have done about that…”

He picked us up off the ground and dusted our clothes off for us with spastically quick brushes and thumps on the back.

“So sorry for the rude welcome,” He said. “but you see, my little darlings—I assumed he was referring to the gnomes—are simply not used to company we don’t get many visitors. Not since the elephant bull fight and the plunger incident. Took me three months—three months I tell you!—to clean up the mess off of the poor children, by only using my own toothbrush. And then,” He rambled. “I had to use that same tooth brush for six months because it’s like I’ve already told, I don’t have my hummerdinger!!!”

“Wow.” I mumbled under my breath. “This is something.”

Chris nodded slowly.

“Well, go back to the way you were then.” The crazy man said. Obeying his order all of the gnomes shuffled into action like stubby little soldiers apparently going back to where they had been standing, so perfectly still waiting for nightfall, before.

“They don’t mean to be the way that they are. They just do what they know. And they know that they must cut off the nose of anyone who comes to this town. Including you two…But I’m sorry I didn’t even ask your names.”

“I’m Elliot,” I said. “and this is Chrysanthemum.”

“But everyone just calls me Chris.” She explained.

“Well my name’s,” Crazy Thumbkin. “But you can just call me Mr. Thumb!”

“Alright then Mr. Thumb.” We agreed.

“Well you certainly don’t have evil names like Billy the Kid, or Adolf.”

“Did you expect us to be evil?”

 “Why yes, you see, because everybody who ends up here is inevitably evil. It all a part of my powers. Evil things are always drawn to my creations like flies to raw meat. But when they come they get trapped inside my Venus Flytrap! Ha!” He clapped his hands shut.

“But, we’re not evil.” I protested.

“I know, which is why I stopped my lead gnome there from cutting off your nose.”

“Once they cut off any intruders’ nose they bring them to me and I add them to my collection. I’m very involved with my artwork here.”

“You mean to say that this whole town is your artwork?”

“That’s right. I built every single house out of recycled cardboard. Every shred of green grass, every toilet, outhouse, every bed, and tree. It’s all delicious recycled cardboard. Can you smell it, it smells so gooooood…”

“Cardboard hu?” Chris said. “That’s very impressive, everything looks so real.”

“Why thank you youngling. I see that you have an appreciation for the finer things of life. Art is what separates us from the beasts. But it’s also what makes me a beast, I’m afraid. People who have powers generally have three that all relate to each other somehow. My first power is that all things evil are drawn to my artwork, my second is to tell if you are evil or not, and my third is turning criminals into gnomes! At least after I turn them into gnomes they become a part of my masterpiece, more refining and useful I’d say than any prison.”

Chris seemed to know about two of her powers. I only knew about one of mine, turning myself invisible. But this man although he was quite insane seemed to know all three of his powers. I knew that if we had any hope of defeating Lord El Stinko that we would have to refine ourselves and become even more powerful. Which was what spurred me to do something that I knew I would probably regret later but was absolutely necessary… I decided to ask Mr. Thumb for help.

“We need some help, Mr. Thumb.” I said.

Chris looked at me, and began shaking her head as if to tell me: no, please not him. But I continued anyway, he was the only person that we were likely to see for another day or two which—since we only had a limited time to dispose of the cheese and save everyone from a boring fate—was too much time to waste. We needed help, training ourselves in our own powers.

“You have obtained the highest level with your own powers and so you must be able to train us somehow to get us to your same level. Right?”

“Well I suppose that butterflies do teach each other to make cocoons. When they emerge they transform into a beautiful butterfly. And the wily toad must transform from a tadpole to a fully grown specimen someday…”

“Er, exactly,” I said though I had no idea what he was talking about. “So will you help us learn more about our powers?”

“Of course! I’ve always wanted to have a Padawan. But now my dreams are coming true, I will have two Padawan’s or Padawi. However you would say Padawan in the plural form! This is wonderful!”

Chris slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand.

“Here let me show you into my house,” He said excitedly. “Luckily I have those spare bedrooms, you’ll need to get plenty of sleep for tomorrow, and we’re going to start training immediately. How exciting!”

To Be Continued on Part 11…

Creepy Garden Gnomes Part 9

That night without the help of Gothgora we managed to fight off several packs of rabid weasels, three wild turkey zombies, and one very blood thirsty rabbit. Luckily for us we managed to get a good flame for our campfire going which helped keep away most of the creatures of darkness. It’s a good thing Chrysanthemum keeps that ultra-flammable hair spray in her purse at all times. Turns out that hairspray can also be used as a flamethrower to light rabid weasels on fire as well as start our campfire. That was fun… and stinky...

Anyway, the next day we moved on along that mysterious road winding eternally through the forest. We walked mostly in silence, we giggly slightly every once in a while as the image of flaming weasels danced in our heads. We were still just a little slaphappy from being so tired as well. Finally we made it out of that infernal forest and entered into a smallish town, a sign as we passed read: Welcome to Liberty.

It felt good to be back in civilization once more, a feeling that was slightly tainted by the fact that neither of us had a place to stay in this town. It was like returning to your home town to discover that your house has been repossessed by the IRS, or burned down, or picked up by a sudden tornado and deposited in the land of Oz on top of a Wicked Witch.

Liberty was quaint enough, there were mostly small wood-paneled homes painted in bright colors. The gardens in front of each lawn were well kept and guarded with lawn gnomes and pink flamingos. As we passed one of the houses I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye move. But when I turned to get a better look I didn’t see anything.

“Something is weird here.” Chris noted.

“Yes,” I agreed. “where are all the people?”

The houses were very pleasant but it didn’t appear as if any of them were inhabited by people. There were no lights on in the windows, no cars in the driveways no people, no noise at all…

We finally decided to walk up to one of the houses and knock. As we walked up the long cement walkway leading to the house I had the strangest feeling that the lawn gnomes were watching us with their beady black eyes. They looked possessed really. Who would want lawn ornaments that looked so scary? One of them was holding a miniature chainsaw and was wearing a creepy mask like on Friday the 13^th.

We knocked on the door, nobody answered of course.

“Well, we still need a place to stay.” Chris said. “So…”

“No.” I interjected. “This place creeps me out, I think we should just keep going and find some other town.”

“Don’t be a baby pony boy. I’m not walking another step, I’m so exhausted that if I don’t get to sleep soon I’ll probably turn into a werewolf.”

“Fine.” I conceded.

She twisted the doorknob and the door opened. It hadn’t been locked.

The house that we entered was just as quaint on the inside as it was on the outside. The furniture was mostly made out of hand carved wood, stained in deep rich colors. And the sofas and chairs in the house looked very plush and comfortable.

Chris locked the door behind us as we walked in. “This is really weird,” I said. “the house is completely clean and yet there are no people here to clean it.”

“Well I guess we should go upstairs I bet that’s where the beds are. I need some shut eye.”

“Have you ever heard of Goldilocks and the Three Bears?” I asked.

“Yes yes yes, I know the story. But somehow I don’t think that bears will be coming home anytime soon. As creepy as it is in this town, strangely enough I feel that this is the place where we need to be, at least for the moment. Something interesting is going to happen.”          

“We’re going to be eaten by bears,” I said. “that’ll be interesting I’m sure.”

“No, something good I promise.”

While Chris went upstairs to sleep I found my way into the kitchen. The refrigerator was stocked with fresh food including milk that was due to expire in about two weeks. I made myself a ham sandwich and ate it greedily. Then I too went upstairs, found a separate bed room, and fell asleep.

It was dusk when we finally woke again. The orange sun was slowly setting beneath the horizon, and the room was darkened. The silence was oppressive. It pressed on my ears and eyes from all direction. Suddenly, I had the feeling that we needed to leave, something was definitely not right. And we had to get out of town before the sun set.

I ran to Chris’ room she still lay in bed her curly hair was strewn about her face like a wedding veil.

“Wake up!” I shouted urgently though somehow it felt wrong to break the unprecedented silence as if something were listening, listening for us.

Chris sat up groggily. “What’s going on?” She asked dreamily.

“I think we have to get out of here. Now!” I said. “Before the sun sets.”

“You’re insane.” She said trying to lay back down in bed.

I didn’t let her; I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her out of the bed.

“I think something is going to happen.”

“There, see, I told you something interesting was going to happen.”

“Yeah I know, but I don’t think that it’s going to be something good for us.”

“Don’t worry things will turn out good in the end, you’ll see.”

“But that suggests that we have to go through something horrible first,” I retorted sternly. “and right now I would rather not go through anything else horrible.”

“All right then.” She said. Allowing me to drag her out of the room and down the stairs. The living room was so dark now that it was difficult to find the front door, especially considering that it wasn’t actually our house.

Stumbling outside into the dark cool evening air was refreshing. But still the silence was ever present.

The sun was just a sliver now behind the horizon. “We need to get out of here now!”

But even as I said it the last bit of light sunk under the level earth leaving us in even greater darkness. And that was when we heard the first noises in a very long time. It sounded like footsteps on pavement. Thousands of little footsteps all heading in our direction. But we still couldn’t see anything.

“What is that noise?” Chris asked perplexed.

“Something interesting I’m sure.” I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

Just then I felt something touch my leg. I looked down to see a little red hatted Garden Gnome poking my leg with its pick ax. It looked up at me moving stiffly with sudden movements very much like a reptile, and stared up at me with its beady black eyes.

I screamed in alarm.

Chris looked down as well and began to scream too.

And then we began to run. Naturally.

We made it just in time to the road. Thousands and thousands of gnomes, that had been the sound that we had heard. They had all come to life as soon as the sun had set. And now they were after us. Apparently like the Bears in the story of Goldilocks they resented that people had invaded their home.

They chased after us with swift little feet, like rats. And they were gaining on us. “Look over there!” I shouted. There was a larger house with a chain link fence surrounding it. If we could climb over the fence the gnomes wouldn’t be able to get at us, with their stubby arms it would take them a good amount of time to climb over after us.

Chris nodded as in agreement. “Let’s do it!”

We slammed into the fence and began to climb but just as we made the first step the creepy gnomes seized our ankles.

“Noooo!” I yelled in frustration. I tried to kick them off but the multitude was too powerful. They pulled us from the fence and we fell to the ground. And just like rabid weasels they were on top of us in seconds, pinning our arms and legs down with their tiny body masses.

“Stop please!” I pleaded but it didn’t seem that the gnomes couldn’t speak English.

Just then the gnome with the chainsaw stepped out of the sea of writhing gnomes. His white mask gleamed softly in the night like bones. He was obviously the leader. He primed his chainsaw and it started very easily the tiny blades spinning with a whiney little purring sound.

“No.” I pleaded.

He stepped forward and put the blade above my upper lip and began to move it upward. He was going to cut off my nose.

“What in the name of sauerkraut is going on out here!!!” We heard a husky male voice shout. All of the gnomes froze in place as if they were once again made of normal fired clay.

"I thought I heard something out here!" The man said.

I squinted as the light of a lantern fell over us temporarily blinding us.

Whatever was going to happen next was certainly going to be interesting.

To Be Continued on Part 10…

Buy all of your Creepy Gnome Stuff here! It's crazy the kinds of things you can find on the internet!

          

How to Write your Own Book

Some of you have probably been wondering: what on earth is this blog?! No doubt these blog entries are very weird. Well I'm trying to help people realize that it doesn't matter, the most important thing that you can do when writing your own story is to get your ideas out on paper as fast as you can.

I want to hep people get their ideas out there, and that is the real intent of this blog. To continue helping people I have created another page to My Secret Biography Blog that is specifically designed to help people write their book in only 30 days. Writing a Book

I hope you find this blog both entertaining and useful. Despite what Elliot might have you believe, this blog is actually trying to help you. Please enjoy.

Cordially,

Silver Quill

Tragedy Strikes Part 8

Gothgora was ill.

As we made it into the weasel infested forest I knew that there was something wrong. She let out a soft moan that turned into a fit of coughing. I turned; she definitely wasn’t her usual chipper self. She looked pale and was hunched over. I realized that her stomach was bothering her but she usually didn’t feel pain, so I knew that it must have been very bad.

“This isn’t good.” I said.

“She must be sick from the green fumes that she ate.” Chris noted sadly.

We had to sit and take a rest because Gothgora couldn’t go any farther. She found a long flat slab of stone and lay down on it trembling slightly.

I took her pale enormous hand in mine, she felt as weak as an overcooked noodle but thousands of times more massive…

“I’m afraid,” Gothgora said in her quiet voice. “That this is where we must say goodbye.”

“Don’t say such things.” I said tears welling up in my eyes.

“The great circle in the sky only has so many rounds in it for each person on the face of the earth. And if today is my last round then there is only to accept it…”

She was so wise I realized and so very quite. Though I thought we had a mutual understanding of the world and everything in it, I knew that she had a much deeper understanding of things that I could never quite contemplate. Though she was my invisible friend I knew very little about her.

Who knew that the fumes binding us were toxic? El Stinko must have known that people might have tried to escape by consuming them and made them accordingly.

“There is something I need to tell you.” Gothgora whispered. “When the red tomatoes falls from the vine look for the man in purple at midnight. When the crow caws at dawn, look under the cube of wastes. And when things look more hopeless than ever find the fountains of purity and find what you need in their depths.”

“What…?” I asked more confused than ever. She sometimes had a very cryptic way of saying things but this it seemed was just nonsense.

"Just remember." She said her voice growing ever weaker.

I nodded. And then noticed something disturbing Gothgora’s hand seemed to be growing lighter in mine. And not only that, but as I looked at her white hand it also was growing noticeably smaller like a marshmallow in the microwave, only in reverse.

“No. No. No. You can’t go now I need you with me.”

“I must,” she said. “But remember what I told you. You were destined to destroy Lord El Stinko and vanquish his evil ways and that is why I have stayed with you for all of these years, to protect you until you could defend yourself. But now that you have begun your journey, you are free, and so my time is done on this earth.”

Gothgora was no bigger than a child at this time and she continued to shrink.

“But what’s happening!” I yelled in alarm.

But she didn’t answer only smiled and closed her eyes. She was gone forever.

I watched as her body continued to shrink smaller and smaller. Until she grew so small that I could no long hold her hand in mine and then she shrunk from my view all together.

My childhood invisible friend was dead. But even as I thought it my mind would not accept that, but that still couldn’t stop the tears that were welling up behind my eyes from streaming out.

Chris stood behind me solemnly and there we stayed for hours, until the light of the sun began to fade.

“We should go.” Chris said as quietly and sensitively as she could. “El Stinko will be looking for us, we should try to find someplace more obscure.”

I nodded in agreement, but my legs it seemed were unwilling to leave the place of Gothgora’s final resting place.

“Wait,” I said. “There is something that I need to do. Do you have something to write with?”

Chris looked in her purple purse and pulled out a sharpie marker.

I took it thankfully, and began to write over the smooth surface of the flat rock.

Here lies the Giantess Gothgora the strong.

May lasers continually shoot from her eyes upon her enemies from above,

And may she Rest in Peace.

"She was very strong." Chris said, as we walked together in the forest.

I couldn’t bring myself to respond…

To Be Continued on Part 9…

Escaping a Cheesy Death and Kumbayah; Part 7

So there we were, trapped in El Stinko’s clutches. I knew we had to do something fast otherwise we would be fish cheese. Considering that El Stinko is so very fond of smelly types of cheeses I figure that fish cheese is an appropriate analogy.

After threatening to kill us and after my dramatic vow to stop at nothing until El Stinko’s wicked plot was foiled, El Stinko continued to laugh insanely, almost uncontrollably.

“Now is our chance,” I whispered to Chrysanthemum.

She nodded looking quite horrified at El Stinko’s blatant display of perverse pleasure at the prospect of killing us.

“I may have something up my sleeve that will help us get out of here,” she whispered back. She closed her eyes and began to squint her face like a sumo wrestler getting ready to pounce. I assumed that she was focusing. She was going to use another part of her powers to help us escape. A long pale blue snake-like vein appeared on her forehead.

“Wow,” I thought.

Lord El Stinko let out a squeal like a stuck pig from the table where he was sitting. I turned to see what was happening just in time to see the pasty white hand of El Stinko disappear under the table for the third time, but this time along with his entire body. Somehow Chris had used her mind powers to push him off of his seat and under the table.

The Wendy Workers who up until this point had been sitting in the background singing Kumbayah… which is an African-American spiritual song from the 1930s. It enjoyed newfound popularity during the folk revival of the 1960s and became a standard campfire song in scouting and nature-oriented organizations.

The song was originally associated with human and spiritual unity, closeness and compassion, and it still is, but more recently it is also cited or alluded to in satirical or cynical ways which suggest false moralizing, hypocrisy, or naively optimistic views of the world and human nature. Just thought I would add this random fact.

Anyway, all of the Wendy Workers came running to their evil master’s aid. It was the perfect distraction.

Gothgora—who as usual had remained ever so silent; had become quite forgotten despite the green coils of stink that bound a very large invisible space in the air—decided to make her move. I saw her bite at the green fumes of stink and begin to consume them.

“No!” I grunted urgently, “don’t eat that, you have no idea where it has been!”

But she slurped up the sickly fumes like spaghetti; she did what she had to do so that I would survive. Using her newly freed hands she silently ripped off the cords from Chris and me in a matter of seconds.

As soon as she was free Chris ran to the table, seized the Crystal ball and the cheese, and we all began to run for our lives.

Clawing his way off of the floor El Stinko cried, “No grab them you fools don’t worry about me grab the children and their giant pink invisible friend!”

But it was too late, we had already vanished through the door. We all linked hands as I closed my eyes turning us all invisible.

I was so happy that I could have sung Kumbayah.

To Be Continued on Part 8…

Link to the Past of My Secret Biography

Some of the articles that I have posted are no longer found on the home page of My Secret Biography Blog. Here is a list of links that will take you to different parts of the story that you may have missed:

Biography of Me!!! Part 1

Where you get to learn about my twisted past and how I was locked under the cupboard for 12 years of my life.

My Aunt and Uncle Part 2

You really don’t want to read about them do you? they are quite wretched people.

The Escape Part 3

How I escape from the circus

Crazy Monkeys Part 4

Animal cruelty at its finest. Learn how Wendy’s gets its lettuce leaves so perfectly chaotic.

Wicked Wendy Workers Part 5

When Wicked Wendy Workers try to Whack me with a Wat. I mean bat.

The Evil Plot Unveiled Part 6

It’s too horrible to describe!!!


Escaping a Cheesy Death and Kumbayah; Part 7


That was a close one. Thank you Gothgora...


Tragedy Strikes; Part 8


I have no comment. 

I hope you enjoy reading this insane Biography.

Thank you.

Cordailly,

Elliot

History of Strange Powers or Talents

The mysterious powers that appear in my biography are very interesting and few people realize that they actually have an origin. So that is what I will explain today, by giving you a brief history of the strange powers that are found in my world.

The earliest powers originated just before the year 1990 about the time when my parents had just gotten together. There was during this time a terrorist organization bent on the destruction of the United States, naturally, and they were very interesting in using biological weapons to do some serious harm. And when I say Biological weapons I mean actual people. That’s right, this terrorist organization wanted to make people into weapons.

After a nuclear plant meltdown in Russia, the Russian government was well aware of the fact that many of the people who had survived the meltdown, which weren’t many, had strange genetic mutations in their DNA allowing them to do bizarre things.

Things really didn’t start here in the United States until this terrorist organization funded by the soviets started doing little experiments on the United States population. The first experiment was through none other than a barrel of pickles. Nuclear pickles! The pickles’ naturally neon green color would hide any visible traces of the glowing nuclear substances within. Brilliant really, the terrorist mixed these pickles in certain shipments of pickles all over the United States where they would be used in fast food restaurants. And naturally people began to exhibit strange powers, my parents included.

Nobody died from this attack because the nuclear chemicals were tailored to somehow affect only certain strands of DNA that would be necessary to make the powers evident.

These people who were infected first by the pickles became known as the first generation. The most powerful abilities came from this generation such as, telekinesis, laser eyes, turning your skin into metal or diamond, shooting spikes from your fingers, controlling weasels with your mind, you name it.

Their kids became the second generation. They had powers but not as powerful as the first generation. Such as Dairy-kinetic powers, being invisible but having to close your eyes during invisibility, seeing the future but sometimes forgetting what it was that you had seen. As you might have guessed Chrysanthemum and I are second generation power users.

Some people like to call these strange powers talents, because they are advantages that we have over other people however small that advantage might be, right?

Anyway I’m sure that talents will not be going away any time soon. There have been reports that sewage water can also have the same mutating effects on our DNA. Hence my plan involving a ton of dynamite and an outhouse… That plan didn’t go as well as I had hoped…

Well until next time.

Cordially Yours,

Elliot

Feedback Request

Keep reading to find out what happens next in this crazy adventure.

Please feel free to post comments or suggestions...

The Evil Plot Unveiled; Part 6

In the end I decided to take up Chris’ offer and eat the hamburgers that she had effectively stolen from the kitchen of the Wicked Wendy Workers. I sunk my teeth into a delicious Jr. Cheese Burger Deluxe with extra pickles. It was delightful except of course for the almost undetectable flavor of monkey. How could El Stinko be so heartless? He would pay for his crimes against nature, but not now. Now I was too busy thinking out what I would be doing for the next few days.

I never really considered what I would do once I had broken out from under the stairs and from the circus. I was about to pull out my friendly, My Little Pony Planner when all of a sudden…

“Oh no…!” Chrysanthemum said.

“What is it?” I asked in alarm.

“We have to go back. I forgot my crystal ball. And I forgot my chili!”

“What!?” I exclaimed.

“We have to go back!”

“Are you insane?” I asked incredulously.

“Hey, you’re the one with the My Little Pony Planner; and I absolutely need my crystal ball, there’s no way I can live without it!”

“Well if you can see the future why didn’t you foresee this?”

“I did,” She replied defending her pride. “but I forgot.”

“It’s kind of silly to have a power when you see in the future that you’re going to forget something and then you forget it anyway.” I said rubbing a little salt in the wounds. It was she after all who had made fun of me not being able to see while being invisible.

“Ha ha, very funny,” she said. “but we still have to go back there is no way I’m leaving without my crystal ball or that chili.”

“Why on earth would you want chili from Wendy’s, they probably grind up all the monkeys that get too old and make them into chili meat.”

“Now that’s just disgusting.” She said.

“I wouldn’t put it past them.” I retorted.

“I don’t want to think about the monkeys anymore. Wendy’s has always been my favorite fast food joint, but ever since we saw those monkeys I can’t get the flavor of monkey out of my mouth.”

“Well how are we going to get the crystal ball back then?  Are we just going to go waltzing in and grab it. When the Wendy Worker say: Hey what are you doing here, we’ll just say sorry we forgot our crystal ball, see you later…?”

“I guess,” She said slinging her neon purple purse over her shoulder. “I can’t remember that either,” she said pouting. “But we better go back and get it.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

We made it back to Wendy’s about three minutes after we had escaped.

“Here put this on,” Chris said pulling a green wig out of her purse. She tossed it to me as if it were a dead fish.

She reached in again and pulled out another long blond wig.

“I’m not a girl.” I objected.

“Well you do like My Little Pony.” She pointed out.

“I don’t like My Little Pony…” I said. “It’s more of an obsession really.”

“Whatever…”

I put the green wig on anyway and we waltzed into the restaurant once again for the second time that day.

We snuck into the dining room where people still sat enjoying their delicious monkey tainted hamburgers. We carefully crept—not suspiciously at all I’m sure—while wearing our brightly colored wigs.

Just as we made our way to the booth table where we had been sitting literally minutes before, a horrid stench invaded my nostrils.

“What on earth is that?!” Chris said coving her mouth and nose with her sleeve as best she could.

Fear suddenly gripped my soul, as I retreated to the farthest recesses of my mind. I knew that smell. Oh I knew that smell well… It was the smell of death…the smell of cheese….Lord El Stinko.

Sitting in the booth was a twisted figure dressed in a brilliant lime green suit. A flower punctuation his breast pocket. He wore one of those fluffy lacy things that protruded out from underneath the suit near the collar, and was pinned into place by a classy emerald. The figures face was a horrible sight to behold white and as pasty as the underside of a snail’s belly. Wisps of orange red hair stuck out at old angles from his horrible liver spots on his rubbery looking scalp. The most dominating feature of all of course was the fact that the clown who sat before us had no nose whatsoever.

The figure leaned forward slightly as the two of them approached interlacing his long crab leg fingers together. Wicked Wendy Workers had come up behind them and were herding them toward the table.

“Good evening,” Lord El Stinko said in a deep chocolaty voice like molasses and mud mixed together. “I’ve been expecting you.”

“I believe you were looking for this?” El Stinko lowered one of his boney hands beneath the table and pulled up Chris’ crystal ball.

“That’s mine,” Chris said. “Give it back now!”

“I can’t do that. You see you already know too much and an interesting magical item such as this is far too dangerous in the hands of a foolish little girl. I’m afraid that I also won’t be able to let you escape this building again.” El Stinko said. He snapped his fingers together and thin wispy cords of stink appeared in the air and then solidified around them into cords, including around the invisible Gothgora.

Your giantess friend will be of no help to you while you’re bound with these cords he said triumphantly.

Gothgora who had remained quite—due to the fact that no one could usually hear her anyway—let out a soft moan.

“Now what are you going to do with us?” I asked.

“Nothing—or at least not until I’ve had a good long and dreadfully boring monologue. This is the part where I get to spill the beans on everything that I’m planning on doing, because I’m absolutely convinced there is nothing you can do that will stop me. And there isn’t!”

“You’re crazy aren’t you.” Chris said pointedly.

“Why yes, I do believe I am.” El Stinko replied laughing maniacally.

“You see…” El Stinko said wiping a tear of mirth from his eye lazily.” It’s in the chili.”

“You were right then!” Chris said turning to me. “They do use the monkeys in the chili meat!”

“No, you stupid girl where would you ever get such an idea. It’s the cheese that’s in the chili you see.” He reached down below the table once more and pulled out a wedge of particularly pungent yolk-colored cheese. The outside of it seemed to be covered in strange tiny white mushrooms.

“This,” El Stinko said. “is Quesonastifolopugus. An awful fungus you see that is designed to destroy people from the inside out. You see the Quesonastifolopugus mushroom only grows on cheese under the full moon. It causes people to become absolutely horribly boring. That also means no powers, such as turning yourself invisible or being able to see into the future.” He eyed the both of them meaningfully.

“But what point would it serve? if you make everyone boring then that’ll just be boring. It’s just boring! What is the point?”

“There is no point.” El Sinko said. “You see that’s the beauty of it all, when you get to be my age you realize that one of the most rewarding things in life is evil just for evils sake.”

“I don’t get it really.” I said.

“That’s fine you don’t have to get it. I really didn’t have a point in killing your circus-freak parents either, but I did that anyway.”

Evil for evils sake. I thought. I wasn’t perhaps the most evil of plans that El Stinko had ever conceived of, but there was no doubt that Lord El Stinko was indeed a very wicked and twisted individual. His evil was based really on nothing, and that was the most dangerous sort of evil. Evil simply for the sake of evilness.

“When I put this in the chili everyone will think it is the most delicious thing that they’ve ever tasted, little do they know that they eat their own boring destruction!” He laughed again impishly.

“I can’t believe you’re going to put that in the chili here at Wendy’s!” Chris screamed. “I’m going to make sure that everyone knows about the crap you’re putting in people’s food. You destroying the good reputation of Wendy’s is really more evil than you’re silly plot.”

“Oh, but no one will ever believe you if you tell.” El Stinko replied maliciously.

Thinking of my parents and how they had died for no reason really is what made me enraged. “I vow that I will not rest until I stop you and your evil plot.” I retorted boldly.

“Not if I kill you first!” El Stinko spat laughing all the more gleefully.

To Be Continued on Part 7…

Coming Soon to My Secret Biography...

A sinister plot is unveiled...

"I can't believe that its in the chili!" Chris screams.

"No one will ever believe you if you tell." Lord El Stinko replies evilly.

"I vow that I will not rest until I stop you and your evil plot." I retort boldly.

Keep reading to find out what happens next on My Secret Biography. 

Its just like a corny soap opera isn't it...?

coming soon: 1/20/2012
The Evil Plot Unveiled; Part 6 

Wicked Wendy Workers; Part 5

In a matter of minutes the monkey room was swarming with employees. The girl I had seen early at the front counter was holding a baseball bat, with a nail hammered through. She wielded it menacingly; her eyes were no longer board but rather wild with the prospect of bloodshed.

“El Stinko won’t be pleased if he finds out that we let someone see his monkeys.” The girl said. “We’ve got to end him now.” She punctuated her remarks by smacking a nearby garbage can with her bat, the monkeys squealed in terror as smelly trash flew in all direction. Pretty foolish considering that she would probably have to clean up the mess later, along with my bloodied remains.

So El Stinko is behind this! I thought. I should’ve knows. Monkeys shredding lettuce was really ghastly, but it certainly wasn’t out of El Stinko’s wicked capabilities.

“Let’s get him now before somebody notices.”

It was too late now, I had been seen; my powers would be ineffective at this point. I was about to get the bating of my life.

The employees closed the door behind them it was made of six inches of reinforced titanium. There was no escaping. “Now!” They all cried in unison. “Wendy’s Style!!!” The girl with the bat lunged forward but just as she was about to land a blow that would have sent me to the nether realms and back again. An explosion rocked the foundations of the building.

The six inch thick titanium door lurched inward, dramatically dinted from the outside. There was another bang and a screech of metal as the door fell inward. The employees all turned to look. However, I was he only one who could see the gargantuan pink form of the giantess who had just destroyed the supposedly impervious door.

As the dust cleared a second figured came up to stand beside Gothgora. It was the girl named Chrysanthemum. She was busy trying to fit what looked about a hundred burgers into her neon purple handbag.

“You go girl!” Chrysanthemum whooped.

“What are you doing here?” I yelled.

“Saving your butt, what does it look like we’re doing? We realized that you would probably need help considering that you can only be invisible while your eyes are closed… Pretty dumb powers if you ask me. Luckily though I saw this event in the depths of my crystal ball, that’s how we knew that you would get captured.”

“Well don’t just stand there you idiots get them both!” The Wendy’s girl said shrieking her battle cry. The Wendy’s thugs surged forward, half of them toward me and the other half toward Chris and Gothgora. Of course they didn’t stand a chance against the giantess; she batted them away as easily as if they were tin soldiers with her meaty pink-clad arm. They flew backwards yelling in surprise.

“The purple girl has strange powers!” They cried from the ground. The other workers turned their attention from me and idiotically they all tried to attack Chris at the same time. They were hopelessly outmatched.

Giants you see generally have a very mild and kind disposition but when you get them angry, by calling them nasty names like fish lips, or bubble butt; or you attack the people they are supposed to be defending, they become extremely dangerous, more so that starving rabid weasels in the forest.

Gothgora jump kicked the Wendy Worker with the eye patch in the throat sending him into convulsions. She tiger punched several men as they ran like crazy trying to lay a hold of Chris, their stomachs probably ended up inside of their brains. And she finally shot flaming laser beams from her eyes which consumed the girl holding the baseball bat and burnt her like an over cooked marshmallow. All of the monkeys did a victory screech.

“Thank you Gothgora,” I said with true gratitude. “I was afraid I was minced meat.”

“That was incredible.” Chris agreed.

Gothgora bowed her head humbly reverting back to her usual shy self.

“Now,” Chris said. “let’s get out of here and eat I’m starving. She stepped over one of the Wendy’s workers corpses that was leaking puss from his ears.”

“You know what. I’m not hungry anymore.” I said.

To Be Continued on Part 6…

Crazy Monkeys; Part 4

I spent the rest of the night in the forests surrounding the circus. My escape had left me with several bruises and a long scrape where the glass had left a gash on my forearm. At least I had Gothgora with me.  Using her strange telekinetic powers she contacted me with her mind and told me where I could find her. And to think that Doctor Johnston hadn’t believed me about her. They would have made the perfect couple those two. But Gothgora would never associate herself with someone who was in league with Lord El Stinko. The relationship was doomed from the beginning, even more so, seeing as the two of them had never actually met.

We kindled a small fire in the forest to ward off any rabid weasels that might be lurking in the dark underbrush and to keep us warm as we slept. As Gothgora lit the wood on fire with a flint and piece of metal we got caught up on all the things that had transpired during the course of our separation. She was just as shocked as I had been that the circus was in league with El Stinko.  She had thought that she could trust a man in a white coat. I chided her for her silliness. But soon forgave her as she pulled out a moldy lump of bacon from her raincoat pocket. She roasted it over the fire and we shared the meager meal before drifting off to sleep. The next day we vowed that we would find some real food.

The next day I awoke to the smell of fresh pine needles, fresh dew, and the ever so delicate tang of weasel breath. The lurking creepers wouldn’t dare attack me while Gothgora was around. We made our way out of the forest and onto a freeway and walked until we smelt the sweet smell of greasy goodness. Up ahead a large sign with a picture of a crazy redheaded girl read Wendy’s.

I didn’t care who that girl was or how she got herself imprinted on that sign but I knew that I needed whatever sustenance she could offer. The smell of food was coming from that direction.

We walked into the little restaurant. The smell of apple wood smoked bacon was intoxicating. There were quite a few people in the store for it was the time of feeding, and everyone had come to gorge themselves on the deliciousness. The only food that I had been allowed to have under the cupboard was a bowl of sauerkraut and fish heads once every day. Soon I was standing in front of the counter a short teenage girl with her eyes covered in black eye shadow. She looked rather board just sitting there with her eyes half closed.

                                                              

“What can I get youuuu…”She asked dryly drawing out the you to highlight her utter hatred of the world and everyone in it.

I didn’t know what to say. Thankfully though Gothgora was there to help me. “Tell her you need a Jr. Bacon Cheese burger and a value fry,” she said.

I quickly repeated everything that Gothgora said because no one else could hear or see her except or me.

“Fine,” the girl said with a sigh. The machine beeped softly as she punched in my order. "That will be $2.13.” She said holding out her hand to receive payment. I knew I had forgotten something.

Well…? She asked skeptically.

So I did the only natural thing. I clutched the side of my head and began screaming at the top of my lungs.

“I’m sorry sir,” the girl said. “But if you don’t have any money we can’t help you here, and screaming will get you nowhere. Next!”

I had been rejected.  My human frame still needed sustenance for I was growing weaker by the second.

I sat at a table and buried my face in my hands in defeat. I’d come so far only to be defeated by my own stomach! I sobbed silently to myself like I used to so that Aunt Victoria wouldn’t come to beat me into silence with her wooden switch.

"Well if you need the food so much why don’t you just go in and get it?" a voice to my right said. I turned at the next table over there was a girl sitting. She had extraordinarily curly purple hair with sparkly eyeliner. She was whereing a matching purple skirt and blouse which accentuated the strange color of her hair. She was busy gazing into a crystal ball with her eyes wide like a mother cow giving birth.

“What?” I asked dumbly.

“You heard me go in and get food for yourself. And your girlfriend Monstro there too while you’re at it, she looks hungry.”

I gasped, “No one has been able to see Gothgora before!”

“I have what some people call clairvoyance. I can see things that most people can’t. They think I’m nuts. My names Chrysanthemum, but most people just call me Chris. What’s yours?”

“Elliot.” I replied as smoothly as a piece of road kill bouncing off the road half alive.

Though I'd only know her for three minutes, I decided to take her advice. I waited until the girl at the front counter went to get fries and then I made my move. Closing my eyes I activated my power. But this time I didn’t yell I’m invisible but the power of my invisibility was obvious for no one noticed that I had entered into the kitchen.

Stumbling as I ran into a refrigerator, I made my way deeper into the kitchen, bumping into someone. They screamed of course because they couldn’t see what had hit them. I had decided that if I was going to find the food I had to do it with my nose. I followed the scent. And there was definitely something strong coming from the room in the back of the kitchen, but it really didn’t have the sweaty smell of grease or meat it was... something else, more sinister like unwashed bodies. I opened my eyes finding myself surrounded by the smelly stench. And to my surprise I found myself in a room full of monkeys!

All of the monkeys were chained to the wall by their hand like feet. And each was shrieking madly as they ripped up head after head of green lettuce. The room was full of green leaves.

So that’s how Wendy’s gets their lettuce so perfectly chaotic! I realized with horror.

This was animal cruelty at its finest.

“Hey!” I heard someone shout behind me. “What are you doing back here this is a room for authorized 

personnel only!”

To Be Continued on Part 5….