Dear Readers:
I am pleased to inform you that my family and friends were
able to deliver the 2,006,004 dollars; 3,267 packages of Italian sausages; and
the 52 Kirby vacuum cleans demanded by Lord El Stinko. Unfortunately, however,
our family fortune is now depleted.
I will not talk about the mortal wounds inflicted upon me,
the hours of senseless violence I had to endure, nor all of the smell cheeses I
was forced to sample. For I am more concerned now with the horrendous financial
burden that my family was forced to undergo for my sake. I should never have
been so careless; I should have known that Lord El Stinko would be coming after
me, the author of truth in a dark and ignorant world.
I told my story to the police you see, but they didn’t
believe that I had been captured despite my wounds. Wishing for somebody to
believe my wild story, I happened upon a wealthy cabbage merchant from Bermuda.
He was—to my everlasting gratefulness—willing to compensate my losses in the
form of cabbages. This is where I need your help dear readers!!! No, I don’t
want you to buy the cabbages that would be a horrible task to ask of you
indeed.
Do you remember those incredibly annoying messages that you receive
on Facebook claiming that for every person who joins a certain cause—supporting
some orphaned princess trying to return to her homeland—one dollar will be
donated to the cause? Well don’t ask me how it works, but illogically and inexplicably
somehow money appears out of nowhere. Well I need you to do something similar,
and just as illogical. For every time you push the +google button on this post,
or share this message with your friends, I will inexplicable be able to sell
all 20,000,000 of the cabbages, thus regaining back my family fortune!!!
Brilliant!!!
Thank you so much for bearing with my insanity. Remember
you’re my only hope…
Cordially,
Silver Quill
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