Dearest Victims:
The following is a Ransom note from your beloved Lord El
Stinko... I hope you like the artistic way it was written.
If you ever want to see your dear editor, Silver Quill,
again please promptly send 2,006,004 dollars, 3267 packages of Italian
sausages, and 52 Kirby vacuum cleaners, to the Wendy’s in Omaha, Nebraska, come
alone. If you attempt to contact law enforcement we shall know. You have five
hours to respond, by telegraph if you wish, or you can simply meet us at the
before mentioned Wendy’s in Nebraska. Considering the fact that there are very
few operational telegraph offices opened in the United States, I strongly
suggest just getting it over with, instead of trying to contact us by
telegraph. In fact it would just be better for you to forget that I ever made
such a suggestion.
Birds are rather interesting creatures in that the fact
when they are captured they try to escape, but the more they struggle against
the bars of the cage they only injure themselves more in the process. You had
better hurry for the more you wait the closer your friend approaches death.
Not So Sincerely Yours,
Lord El Stinko
PS. Bring sunscreen the weather during this time of year
in Nebraska can be rather stunning and garish, surprisingly.
Transcribed by Maurice
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