Today was a very fruitful day. Today we finally were able to
upset the environment even more by feeding baby birds cheese, cheese that was
brought back from the underworld of course. It would have been very foolish of
me—after having summoned that giant bunny demon from the superior realm and
forcing it to retrieve the fungus—had I not picked up a greater variety of
cheeses from the Curds of Wrath. Naturally it’s always good to have a backup
plan, a backup plan that is not as good as the original, but still…
Needless to say, this cheese had some very unpleasant
effects on the tiny bodies of our helpless victims. It was very rewarding to
watch them swell up to the size of small watermelons! It was also very
rewarding because this was the day I finally had the opportunity to see Eugene
smile and he even chuckled a little bit. Eugene has not ever once smiled since
the day he started working for me, or at least, ever since we put that monkey
in the meat grinder. Eugene has a soft spot in his heart for monkeys. But we
beat that right out of him, if he wants to work for me he needs to understand
that monkeys are the superior chili meat, that’s all monkeys are good for,
delicious meat. And shredding lettuce. And getting the lice out of your clown
wigs. And… Well never mind.
Muah muah ha ha! Tomorrow we are working on something that
will make things absolutely wretched for the naked mole rats of Africa! We are
hoping that we will be able to bread them with hyenas and make a hideous Naked-yena.
It’s all great fun messing with genetics, but you have to make sure that the
DNA is clearly not identical in any way shape or form to make things a little
challenging. My councilor always tells me that life without a challenge is
boring. It’s really ironic though, because that was the time I had him locked
in the dungeon because he had tried to escape. I feel grateful that I have such
an incredible councilor as my prisoner—or rather, I mean captive audience.
Lord Cornelius Sebastian Augustus El Stinko the 3rd
No comments:
Post a Comment